Skeptic Spirit

So, I decided to give the site a new look, hope you like it as much as I do, or at least that you don’t hate it… I promise, the writing is the same. 

I was flipping through some discussions on EC and for some time now I have encountered some religious statements which stood out to me. And please, if I am the “fake prophet” and the “spiritual host of wickedness”, then do tell me so. (but perhaps I shouldn’t flatter myself too much) After all, it has only been mentioned a couple of times…

I would love to see myself as the rebellious anti-theist, sticking my nose out where it is guaranteed to be punched, but I realize I don’t do that as clearly as I could. A part of me still possess too much respect for religious freedom, and a part of me just don’t like to challenge those who do not wish to be challenged. And being part of a family, where I am still forced to say prayer before eating, whenever I come to visit, I do have some ambivalent feelings towards just stating flat out what I think about religion of any sort. Somehow I feel like I am pooh-poohing my ancestors. 

But!

What about my own beliefs? What about the burning passion I have for stating: “Up yours!” to any religious fanatic telling me, I am poisoning the spirit of my ‘followers’. It all comes down to the personal view. Any one of us, christian, muslim, atheist, anti-theist or satanist…. We all have a chosen path, or chosen not to have one. Why should it be ok for a christian to openly express pity for a non-believer, when the non-believer is biting his tongue not to be offensive?

Its Bullshit! Pity, especially the one being wrapped up in good intentions, is so horribly condescending, and it is beyond my belief (!) how people can’t see through this. It seems to me, that as long as people “mean well” they can be allowed to state almost anything, after all, they are religious. I sincerely oppose to this idea.

Not just in religious terms, it is also on unmoderated forums, where people are left to state their own agenda. As long as you express yourself with a “loving and compassionate” point, you can buh out as many as you like. But if you state your opinion clear and honest, you are the anti-christ. Does that really make sense?

I have come to judge situations based on how they make me feel. If something makes me feel hit or hurt, that is what I must pay attention to. It doesn’t matter how ‘well intended’ the words may be served, because the person serving them may not be aware of the underlying motives. Especially if these motives are forbidden, leading the person to deny them while expressing them.

To me, all emotions, all feelings, all desires are valid. That doesn’t mean we should act on them always, but we should admit to them being there. If you belong to a religion, which preaches that some feelings or drives are forbidden, and you see this as the truth, then you are likely to oppress these feelings. But they will find their way out, through ‘well intended’ messages anyway.

Sorry, this is one incoherent rambling. I have SO much to say on this subject, and a lot of things overlap each other. One thought taking the next. I’ll probably elaborate on each element later on…

The moon has a peculiar effect on me. There are moments when I wonder if I am about to loose my mind, and there are moments of clarity. I don’t know which one of those moments this is. Rationally, the full moon probably shouldn’t have any effect on my state of mind, but I can live with admitting to a placebo effect, for what it’s worth. 

I have lived with these shifts of doubt and certainty for quite some time now, and they still remain a puzzle to me. I am sure, they bare much similarity to any form of religion, in which the believer holds on to a sense of comfort, even though science has taken its justification away long ago. 

Truth is, I am only puzzled, when I look at one moment through the mindset of  the other. I am only puzzled, when I am certain. I only ask myself the difficult questions, when I am prepared to answer them.

The problem is, that I can answer the question tonight. And tomorrow I will choose not to believe in it, because I need to believe in something less painful.

I’d wish I could have my full moon dilemmas all of the time.

I hate to realize how much I am fooling myself.

Some time ago I wrote a post about cold reading, but I have started to wonder if that is the only plausible explanation. I still won’t explain it as being any kind of “gift” or special ability, nor will I attribute it to the act of spirits, angels, guides or other any other alternative explanation. (sorry)

I am actually not sure that it is that important anyway. If it helps, it helps, and that really is all there is to it, I guess. Someone who doesn’t believe in angels can still benefit from an ‘empath reading’ done by one who does believe it to be angels delivering the message. The message itself isn’t that important either, only what the receiver makes of the message. 

However, for the sake of clarification, I would like to explain how I see it at this point, because my perspective has changed.

I believe I am as much of an empath as anyone else. Or, same message in a different tone, I don’t believe either of us are. This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in empathy, I just believe it to be a human trait. Some have become consciously aware of the empathy, and I am sure this has an effect on the perception of the surroundings. 

In terms of readings…

I never write anything I can’t back up with an explanation inside my mind. When ever I’ve finished writing a respond to a reading request, I read it through in order to sort out my personal bias interpretations of the person requesting the reading. The reason I won’t call it cold reading as such is that I don’t write “general statements”. I do relate to the person asking, I do use empathy in order to put myself in that persons place to see, what he/she might be missing. This part however is general assumptions! Not based on statistics but based on how I believe the emotional model of “man” is created. Areas to look at, stuff to let go of, needed inspiration and so on… But it is also about subtleties, the choice of words used to describe a situation or state of mind. It gives a lot of information about a person. 

It is actually an “empathic” reading, there is just not anything supernatural about it. And it isn’t (just) cold reading either.

I do use my intuition a great deal in the initial approach to a reading. But then I need to run it through my “skeptical spectacles” to see, if it fits my emotional model and to find out if it makes sense to me at all. And then I can post it.

In reality, we can all call it what we want, it makes little difference. I just don’t feel right about giving readings without having specified my (lack of) beliefs on the subject.

So, I have been neglecting my blog lately… Just stating the obvious here. I really do have a thousand things to write about, but my mind is occupied by school. Well, not really, but it is occupied with the thought that I should be working on my project a lot more than I do. It is some sort of latent stress that is slowly sneaking in on me from behind, all these “I should…” statements that really just ads to the reluctancy.

At this point I have decided to just completely unwind, because my “I should…” thoughts haven’t helped me all day, and now it is evening. So instead of feeling guilty, I am going to take a deep breath, admit to being a lazy f*ck and enjoy the rest of the evening in my own thoughts. …Just wished I had come up with this idea earlier today, since the result is just about the same.

So, this evening I am all yours, and tomorrow I am back to full time school project again!

I believe, I have a spirit. Not sure if it is simply a matter of hormones or some psychological factors, but whatever I might formally call it, I believe it to be there. Tonight, I would like to touch the area of “things I do, while thinking about how much I want to not do them”. It is not limited to bad habits, it could just as easily be about saying the wrong thing or not doing what I really felt like doing at that moment. Allowing specific people to cross the line or withdrawing too much in relation to others.

What I do and what the deeper spirit of me wants me to do are two different things. One clear example of this is my nasty habit of smoking. The spirit of me doesn’t want to be addicted to a deadly habit, and thrives much better during the times when I am off the cigarettes.

So, somehow I am able to not let myself act upon the wishes of my inner spirit. I hear the words, but I don’t listen. This means, the spirit of me has absolutely no authority in my life. It is more like a guide speaking in the back: “If you please look to your right, you will see the ‘you’ you could be, if you wanted to make a spiritual choice! You would make me feel much better!” 

But then who/what is in control of my actions if not my spirit?

Thoughts, feelings, learned behavior and scattered perceptions can path the way to a very unspiritual life. Still fighting this. Somehow these mechanisms become the force of the habit, the “Why bother?!” statements, that I never really consciously think about. I still react to them emotionally, but my feelings aren’t my spirit. On the other hand, if my thoughts and feelings do not correspond with the needs of my spirit, I just won’t feel it. 

It is as if my spirit is a ball at the center of a maze. And only by aligning my thoughts and feelings from the center to the outer line, I will be able to lead my spirit all the way through. If my thoughts don’t match my feelings, or my feelings or actions do not correspond with my spirit, the maze will turn itself, and the spirit will be captured at the center, unable to find its way out.

My spirit has a lot more influence on my actions than I want to believe though. It is the essence of me, and when it comes through I feel the essence of life. I can keep it locked down for some time, but the minute I give it some power, it wants to take over and tell me about all the other things I need to change in my life.

When I smoke, my spirit doesn’t come through, that’s for sure. And in many other cases where I withdraw and lock my spirit down in the center, I loose the essence of life, basically. I withdraw on the inside, because what I am experiencing is something my spirit doesn’t want to accept. My spirit denies me.

When I don’t smoke, I get overwhelmed. I see things much clearer and often too clearly. Other things my spirit wont accept. It becomes overwhelming, because not only do I need to continue not smoking, I also need to remember to eat (I eat heathy, when I do eat!), and then there is all the clutter in boxes and drawers. There are projects to finish, decisions to make… Tuff stuff that I need to deal with. All this becomes clear, because I am listening to the spirit inside. And once it gets in charge of things, it is SO critical! 

So, I get to the point very quickly, where I close my eyes to the sun. It is too much! 

And yet I am sitting here thinking, I really should listen to my spirit. I really should! Because even though it is demanding, it is simply because I don’t live the way I really want to live. I am close, though. Far closer than I’ve ever been before. So the essence of me isn’t out to criticize me – it is merely trying to tell me that which would make me the most satisfied with living. 

So, it all comes down to that perception. I’ve felt it to be a judgmental perfectionist spirit, but in reality, it is my perception that has been screwed up. My thoughts, feelings, learned behavior and habit of thinking leads me to perceive the advice from my spirit the wrong way. 

Tonight is the night of listening, but maybe I should listen tomorrow as well?

My fingertips touch the letters on the keyboard, and for the first time I sense it. Consciously. I’ve been clicking my way through the usual sites all evening, finding nothing. Nothing I was looking for. Perhaps because I don’t know, what I expected to find. I just know, that what I found was of no importance to me this evening.

My fingertips pad the letters, as if I knew what to write. As if I actually knew how to express myself. I make a lot of expressions, even now, but I can’t express my self. I can only sense, and I am overwhelmed. 

My fingertips make errors, because I am forcing them to notice, what they are doing. I notice what I am doing as well, and yet I can’t interfere. I am withdrawing, and I must not prevent myself from doing so. 

My fingertips are connected to my hands and my hands to my arms. I can only move my fingers, I am paralyzed. I am driven by the desire to express myself, but my mind creates pathways for denial. I can’t.

My fingertips long to feel.

But I can’t.

Actually, I am doing the same thing myself right now, asking a question to which I already have decided upon the right answer. You may regard the headline as an expression rather than an actual question.

I am of course talking about the discussion boards I visit frequently, and these days I have spotted a tendency to stage a question. Not very well done, I’m afraid, but well enough for people to fall for it. And I’d be damned if I were to point it out in public and become buuhed out by well meaning caretakers. 

So, I am venting a little.

What makes me wonder, is that people don’t see the staging. They read the words, look at the picture and that’s about it. Please, people, look at the choice of words! Look at the highlights, the perspective, the self proclaimed love and passion, the I-am-a-loving-person-you-know!

I may not do actual empath readings… But I sure as hell see, when something doesn’t fit. 

So, why do I even care?

Because in one particular case (which I will not mention here) there are children involved, and I don’t like that. I don’t like the fact, that someone can charge support and go on living in ignorance and shallow validation. I don’t feel comfortable with knowing, or at least having a strong suspicion, that this case is not all it is told to be. I dislike the view of many caring people supporting one person’s choice in a case we know nothing about.

At least, we could go about it a bit more consciously…

Illusions work, because we want to be deceived. It is that simple. Wether it is the establishment of an empire, a religious perception, a seductive stranger or even just a commercial for washing powder, it is all just small games we play with ourselves. Subtle “Boy, if this was real…!” comments in the subconscious. that keeps the game going.

The difference between being a child and growing up isn’t that we stop playing, it is that we decide to play all day long. At least as children we are told when the game is over. As adults we have to figure that out all by ourselves, and we are still not old enough to do so.

And the more deeply involved we become in a game, the more we withdraw from reality. In the alternative world anything can happen – that is just fantastic. In the real world, anything could happen as well, but we don’t notice and we don’t care. We save ourselves for better times, where reality meets fantasy, only to realize that it isn’t going to happen unless we force fantasy to meet reality.

This would mean ending a game, and we don’t like that.

But if you’ve ever ended such a play, you have also felt the revelation that comes with it. It actually doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would, because… well, 

It was just a game after all.

Spiritual freedom is about freeing our selves from the unnecessary and imaginary restrictions of perception. But in the essence of this, I have discovered a lovely self contradiction, that I want to share with anyone who cares or is bored enough to put up with the following (and probably rather messy) post. But first an experience I had this weekend…

I was attending my grandmothers birthday this friday, which was much fun and everybody behaved like a family should. My grandmother opened a cabin in the living room and took out two cups, that I vaguely recognized as being some I had bought for her many years ago in a second hand shop. For her birthday, she reminded me.

This is the dialog, as it took place (well, except for the translation, of course) Jess is my 6-year old daughter :

• Grandma’: “Hear, wouldn’t it be great if Jess could have these?”
• Me: “I am sure, it would not survive, she is still not that careful with her toys, even though she tries to be.”
• Grandma’: “Oh, but you can just bring them home now and save them for when she is ready to get them.”
• Me: “.”
• Grandma’: “…Because, it would be such a shame if she didn’t get them.. I mean, I might die… So you see, it is better that you take them home now!”

Although the above is the verbal conversation, I will now reveal the actual communication, the underlying manipulation and messages. (Bare in mind, that I know my grandmother and also that I observed body language and tone of voice) 

• Grandma’: “Hear, I have been planning on giving you these cups back, because I don’t have space for all this old junk, and I can’t bring myself to throw out anything, and I would feel guilty about giving these away to charity, since I got them from you. I am using Jess as an excuse, because I know that you would not deny your daughter a gift. And she might even like it?”
• Me: “Oh no, don’t you dare pulling me into this. I have tons of things you’ve given me, because I suffer from the same habit of keeping things out of guilt, and I don’t want any more of that. If you want to give Jess a gift, pick a toy instead…”
• Grandma’: “Please, I really need for you to take these bloody cups, and I don’t care what you do with them – Just take them!”
• Me: “It really isn’t my problem!”
• Grandma’: “Now, you need to take them! I’ll even pull the what-if-I-die trick on you, just so you know, just how important it is for me, that you do as I say. I made up my mind about these cups the moment you accepted my invitation – you will do as I say”

I ended up bringing the cups home, of course. They are still lying in the plastic bag along with to plastic cups she snug in without asking. “For Iain, so he has something too!” She just said. Maybe Jess will enjoy them after all, and if not, there is still the local second hand shop, so the circle will be complete. :D

This is my point.

I was attempted manipulated. I did see it while it was going on, but I still went along with it, and I am actually feeling more free and happy, than I would have been, had I fought it to the bitter end. Because freedom of the spirit is not about doing the opposite of what you are attempted to be manipulated into doing. (Wow, messy line…) It is not about refusing just because you feel pushed into a corner.

Sometimes the freedom of the spirit is about doing something, your mind had restricted you from doing. I am very, very stubborn! Seriously, I don’t know anyone as difficult to argue with as me. I even fight myself just to let of steam without hurting others. My restriction was to not let anyone use emotional blackmail in order to make me do anything I would not want to do. And if I could not avoid it, I would most certainly fight it on the inside.

In this case, I would have been fairly irritated that I had to bring them home anyway. I actually would have been emotionally affected by this, although it sounds silly. I would have to force myself into continuously fighting it, because this would be the only way of “not loosing”. Like running a race and deciding never to cross the finnish line, because somehow that would prevent me from loosing. In my perception, giving in to this type of manipulation would have been a down fall, a defeat… A dangerous path to follow.

But in order to follow the path of the free spirit I have to go beyond my own restrictions. In this case, I had to surrender to this type of manipulation, fully aware of what was going on. Because that gave me a new awareness of my own restrictions. I didn’t ‘win’ the battle my grandmother had forced me into. I played along, I lost. I feel great!

My restriction was to ‘not let go’ of this, but deep down I had a desire to let go and accept defeat. Disregarding my own restrictions, I realized they were never there. I realized that the moment I stopped fighting both my grandmother and my own fear of defeat, I liberated myself. 

Still don’t know what to do about those cups, though…

Inspired by recent discussions on Empath Community, I’ve decided to blog a little about my perspective on manipulation. The arguments can be divided into two obvious categories, those who are against it and those who see it as a necessary tool, that can be used for good purposes, if the intention is right.

I say, WE ALL DO IT! We do it all of the time, actually. And the problem is not, that some people advocate strongly against manipulation – the problem is that they too manipulate others and their perception restricts them from acknowledging it.

Manipulation is, as defined by my dictionary along with wikipedia, the ability to control or influence a person or situation. We do not control people in the terms of tying them up and forcing them to look in a specific direction. We control people by motivating them to see things from our perspective. We influence them to accept the ‘truths’ we portrait, and the art of manipulation lies in knowing how to do this properly.

If I overdo my attempt of manipulating you, I will fail. Of course it depends on your ability to see through it and look at my intentions, but if I go forwards too strongly, you will discover it. So I use different tools to cover my intentions. Not consciously! It is something that happens on many levels, and mostly it is just an assessment of message and receiver.

What would be the best approach for getting my message understood and validated by this person?

This question is embedded in our ‘language packages’ and it is active from the moment we learn how to speak. A child that wants a cookie will consider the best way of asking for it, and it usually turns out to be something like: “Mooooooomyyyyy?” With a little smile, a spark in the eyes and hands positioned for the ‘most innocent and loving’ look. Because the child knows, that the wrong approach will not result in a cookie.

The mother will usually know what the child is up to, just as she knows that crying is not necessarily because the child is sad. But it may still lead to the wanted result of the child. The mother understands and validates the child’s message because of the approach.

The above is an obvious example, but there are plenty of subtle forms of manipulation. The cloths you wear signals something about you. You decide how you want to be perceived, and people usually understand and validate your expression, even if you did not make it consciously. A woman in pink miniskirt and a tight tank-top manipulates her expression. The clothes she wears is not the whole true picture of who she is. It is a manipulated image of who she wants you to believe, she is.

The same actually applies to the guy who doesn’t seem to care about how he looks at all. He to sends a message that “He doesn’t care!” But he does care – otherwise he would ’sometimes’ care and other times not. But that usually isn’t the case, because if he one day would show that he cares, he would ruin the image, an image he created with a purpose.

I am manipulating you right now as well. (if it works, that is. Otherwise you may see this as an attempt of manipulating you) Even my conscious decision about writing my intent so that you can read it, that too is a form of manipulation. You don’t have to lie to manipulate. You don’t have to deceive people or twist the truth in any way. Sometimes being ‘honest’ is the best approach for getting the message understood and validated. So that too is manipulation.

If what I write leads you to understand my message, then you have been controlled or influenced to see things the way I wanted you to see them. Or at least, I have made my perception understood through the approach I chose.

If it didn’t work, if you are one of those who sees manipulation as the work of Satan, I should have chosen a different approach. The above would not be suited for influencing you to see it my way – I would have used different arguments and expressed myself differently.

We all manipulate, we are all being manipulated, and the only problem with this, is that some people refuse to believe that they do so.