Skeptic Spirit

Another FAQ I guess: “How do I control the ability?”

There are mainly two answers to that question. The first one is the spiritual, energy-theory based ‘shielding’, which you will find all over the Internet. The other answer is mine, as I am typing it now.

You already are in control. 

“Oh, but I feel so overwhelmed, I can’t stand it, I can’t find myself… It is a curse, I do not control it!”

Sure you do. You just haven’t thought of it that way, because the first suggestion about ‘shielding’ leads you to believe, that the impressions come all by themselves. They don’t. You do not feel everything everywhere all of the time. It may seem that way, because you cannot feel you, but the impressions you get comes from your own subconscious thoughts about what is even just remotely relevant for you to tune in on. 

Relevance 

That is a keyword for my theory about how you best control your empath ability. I am sitting here in front of my mac trying to formulate my thoughts about this issue. The thing that is most relevant for me right now is my sense of me. So I am relevant to me right now. I have to have a sense of me in order to put my thoughts into words in such a way that I get my message through the right way. But other people are relevant for me as well, as I am writing for those who do not feel that they are in control. So I have these impressions stored in my memory of people I have encountered on the web, who felt this way. 

So my focus is divided properly in accordance with what I find most relevant for typing this post. 

When my own ability exploded one day in january ’08, I could not walk down to the local supermarket without getting knocked out emotionally. It is not because this was new, and that I did not have the right tools for dealing with it. No, when I think back on the experience, it was because I found all emotions around me relevant.

I knew, I had this ability before I switched from latent to “full blown” empath. A long story, that involves other empaths, but quite irrelevant for this topic. Anyway, I knew, but it was still relevant for me at that time to be convinced. And so it was very relevant for me to experience that I actually could tune in on complete strangers, even though at the time I did not consciously make that decision.

I do not find other peoples emotional state that relevant in order to function on a daily basis. Sometimes something comes up, which makes me think: “this is relevant” and I automatically tune in on it. 

Control

If you want to feel that you are in control of the empath ability, you should start by explaining to yourself what you really find relevant to you. You are already making a subconscious decision about it, so why not bring it out of the darkness and redefine your values? 

It is also worth considering, how you perceive yourself amongst others. If you think that you as a person is not relevant, or that people in pain are very relevant, then those are the things you tune in on. Be honest with yourself while making these considerations. If you deep down feel, that another persons anger is relevant, and you do not see ‘you’ as relevant, then that is how you have managed it. But then perhaps it is time to evaluate that as well?

There is nothing spiritual about this, you cannot shield yourself from you. Shielding works in the aspect of you finding your shield relevant. It gives you something to visualize, and that does make you not focus on other peoples emotions. But it doesn’t really fix anything, and you do spend a lot of energy on something which is not relevant at all.

So… Is this relevant for you?

The definition of an empath usually goes something like this:

An empath is a person who can tune in to the emotions of others. The empath feels the emotions as if they were his/her own.

I agree to this term, and that is the reason I call myself an empath as alternative to making up a new word for it. But I disagree with the way it is being interpreted, twisted and applied to “ordinary” people. I do not feel that empaths are above others, I just want to keep the definitions clear, just as I don’t call a medic a doctor.

It is a common human ability to know how other people feel. The level of empathy varies from person to person, but it is very common, very human to feel what other people are feeling. If you have ever looked at a person bursting out in laughter after which you yourself did so (without knowing why that person laughed), you will know what I am talking about. That same thing applies to observing people cry or yell, or just someone experiencing a painful accident. A yawn is contagious.

Those are all human empathetic responses, and it is most likely do to mirror neurons. So there is a scientific explanation as to why you are able to feel other peoples feelings. Naturally, when it is being conceptualized into being a “gift” or a paranormal ability, then every body wants to be in on it.

I feel however, that we need to separate the terms ‘human empathy’ and ‘empath ability’. It makes no sense to try and define something as extra ordinary, when it is very much supposed to be there. Especially when there are people out there (and in here) who are actual empaths.

So how do I know, that I am an empath?

Because I perform experiments in a controlled environment. I recommend you do the same, if you want a reliable answer as to wether or not you are an empath. The empath links I have on my site will all tell you that you are, regardless of whether or not it is true. But you could be, of course, I have no clue as to how common it really is.

In my case, I deprive myself of as many of my senses as I possibly can. I cannot hear, see, smell or sense the person I am reading on. I am not in the same room, usually I am not even in the same city. The only contact I have with the person I am reading on is a chat function, occasionally with a still image attached. This way I am fairly certain that I am not getting “help” from my ordinary senses. 

But I also have to make sure, that what I am picking up on is what the person is actually feeling. So in order to have some level of control, I ask the person to think about some kind of situation or memory. That way I can get proper feedback, so I won’t fall into the trap of saying many unspecific things, that would fit anyone. If you want to learn more about how to read online, just follow the link.

When these conditions are set, and you still manage to do a relatively (you will make mistakes) accurate reading, then you can assume that you are an empath.

I do not want to buh every one out, just because they can’t read online. But it is a pretty sure way of knowing wether or not you truly are an empath. Nobody can answer that question for you, unless they assume that every human being is an empath. But then, what is the point of having a definition?

This article is hopefully not complete, but it is what I know at this point. In the first part I will try to explain how the empathy works in order to create some kind of understanding of how to use it. In the second part I will get into details about online reading, but the whole article can be used for real life readings as well. 

Online vs. IRL readings: 

In reality, there is no difference between reading online and reading IRL in terms of the empathy. But the conditions within each type of reading are different. In an online reading there are no facial expressions or body language to help you in your interpretation. On the other hand, there are no misleading types of information either, which is a risk when you are able to see the person you want to read. Reading online can minimize the background noise, since there is only you, the client/test person and your internet connection. There is also an element of feeling safe behind a computer, whereas sitting in front of someone tends to make us withdraw a little. 

I would like to say, that the impressions through a computer are less precise than the real life impressions, because it seems “logical”. But I haven’t experienced any significant differences between the two “channels” of impressions. The bodily impressions are somewhat stronger on an IRL reading, which makes vague impressions easier to identify, but the same impressions get through on an online reading as well. 

How to get impressions: 

Getting impressions is not difficult. The empathy works in many ways just like the hearing sense, and there is noise everywhere so we get impressions all of the time, whether we want to or not. There is the background noise from classrooms, institutions, the train, even when walking on the street, where ever there is noise, there are emotions affecting an empath in the exact same way. 

But exactly as with noise, it is possible to close your mind to it. You can still hear it, if you pay attention, but you can also choose not to pay attention by focusing on specific sounds instead. I recommend focusing on your own “voice” or rather the “feeling of self”. 

Reading someone intentionally is done the exact same way as if you were to listen to what that person is about to say. You just pay attention to that person, but with the extra element, that you have to “listen” with your entire body and mind. There is nothing meditative, trancelike or spiritual about it, the impressions come all by themselves, you just have to pay attention. And that is the great challenge! 

Sound and Noise, a clear signal: 

As with sound, there is much noise on the line, which can make it difficult to know exactly what to pay attention to. There is the sound you want to hear, without knowing what to listen to. There is also your own voice, which you have to oppress in order not to confuse matters. The client has different sounds as well, and not all of them are intentionally transmitted. One is the emotional bubble that you want to read on, another is the clients current state of mind, and also the possible interest/dislike of being read. All of this is transmitted at the same time, and a simple thing like the client looking at an image unrelated to the reading can create disturbing “sounds”. 

Differentiating between these sounds is rather difficult. But there are some emotions, you can be aware of prior to the reading, so you don’t express them as being part of the reading of the client. 

For example: 

Yesterday I became aware of the fact, that every time I read someone, my hands shake. I have always expressed it, but this was the first time, it was dismissed (getting into feedback later). That is when I realized, that it is just part of my own bodily reaction towards reading someone. So the next time I do a reading, I will know that this particular experience is supposed to be there and is not part of the impressions. Knowing how you feel prior to the reading is also important. It is impossible to rule yourself completely out of the reading, so this way you can at least identify some of the noise as being you and not the impression. It is also a good idea to acknowledge how you would feel, if the reading takes an unexpected turn. 

For example: 

I was half drunk in a bar, when I baldly asked a friend of mine, if I could do a reading on him. This was at the time when I had just found out I could do it, and I did a lot of stupid things on that account. But anyway… I tried to read him, but didn’t think I could feel anything, so I just turned disappointed towards him saying I didn’t get anything out of it. But the fact is, that he had been thinking about a very disappointing experience. And I did catch that impression – I just hadn’t decided how I would react to anything going wrong, therefore I took the impression as part of my own feelings, and gave them thoughts. 

Interpretations and Thoughts: 

We want things to have meaning. Interpreting the impressions without activating the imagination is something you have to fight. I guess it is a natural human reaction to try at explain emotions, or to connect them in some way to something. It happens subconsciously, and all of a sudden I have created an entire situation based on very few impressions. That almost always leads me on the wrong track. Sometimes because I express the situation, that my imagination has provided me with. Other times the reading gets derailed because my focus changes to something other that what the client is focused on. That means, the impressions probably are correct, but not relevant for the reading I’m making and there for not correct for the event or memory I am reading on. 

Pre-knowledge: 

Another danger of getting derailed is if you know a lot about the client. Because that gives you the ability to do qualified guessing based on few emotions. It gives you an immediate confidence in being “right”, that you stop paying attention to the actual event. And is almost always wrong as well. 

A simple way of putting it… 

• Know as much as you can about your current feelings. 
• Know as little as possible about your client. 
• Decide not to want it to have meaning, until after the reading. 
• Accept and expect yourself to make a lot of mistakes. 

Developing the Accuracy: 

Make your client pick a situation/event/memory, you should read on. That way it is easier to give proper feedback, because it will be more clear to the client which emotions he/she actually had at the time of the event, as opposed to a general reading, where the emotions are less clear. 

Also be aware, that a “new” experience gives a weaker impression on the empath than an “old” experience. You can compare it to singing a song you’ve only just begun to learn, as opposed to a song you’ve known since childhood. If you know it really well you sing it louder. I am quite sure there is a different explanation, but old memories are much stronger than current events in their impression. 

Make sure always to get feedback on what was correct and what was incorrect. Take a moment of glory with the things you got spot on, try to recap how those feelings felt like so you can recognize “being right” another day. 

Keep a record of the part of the reading you did not get right. This is the important part! As I said, the impressions comes by themselves. So in order to do a good reading, you must find out, why and where you got off track.

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I am just a novice in this area, and there is much to explore! Feel free to comment or suggest, empath or non-empath! There is great use for knowledge and experiences.