Skeptic Spirit

Spiritual freedom is about freeing our selves from the unnecessary and imaginary restrictions of perception. But in the essence of this, I have discovered a lovely self contradiction, that I want to share with anyone who cares or is bored enough to put up with the following (and probably rather messy) post. But first an experience I had this weekend…

I was attending my grandmothers birthday this friday, which was much fun and everybody behaved like a family should. My grandmother opened a cabin in the living room and took out two cups, that I vaguely recognized as being some I had bought for her many years ago in a second hand shop. For her birthday, she reminded me.

This is the dialog, as it took place (well, except for the translation, of course) Jess is my 6-year old daughter :

• Grandma’: “Hear, wouldn’t it be great if Jess could have these?”
• Me: “I am sure, it would not survive, she is still not that careful with her toys, even though she tries to be.”
• Grandma’: “Oh, but you can just bring them home now and save them for when she is ready to get them.”
• Me: “.”
• Grandma’: “…Because, it would be such a shame if she didn’t get them.. I mean, I might die… So you see, it is better that you take them home now!”

Although the above is the verbal conversation, I will now reveal the actual communication, the underlying manipulation and messages. (Bare in mind, that I know my grandmother and also that I observed body language and tone of voice) 

• Grandma’: “Hear, I have been planning on giving you these cups back, because I don’t have space for all this old junk, and I can’t bring myself to throw out anything, and I would feel guilty about giving these away to charity, since I got them from you. I am using Jess as an excuse, because I know that you would not deny your daughter a gift. And she might even like it?”
• Me: “Oh no, don’t you dare pulling me into this. I have tons of things you’ve given me, because I suffer from the same habit of keeping things out of guilt, and I don’t want any more of that. If you want to give Jess a gift, pick a toy instead…”
• Grandma’: “Please, I really need for you to take these bloody cups, and I don’t care what you do with them – Just take them!”
• Me: “It really isn’t my problem!”
• Grandma’: “Now, you need to take them! I’ll even pull the what-if-I-die trick on you, just so you know, just how important it is for me, that you do as I say. I made up my mind about these cups the moment you accepted my invitation – you will do as I say”

I ended up bringing the cups home, of course. They are still lying in the plastic bag along with to plastic cups she snug in without asking. “For Iain, so he has something too!” She just said. Maybe Jess will enjoy them after all, and if not, there is still the local second hand shop, so the circle will be complete. :D

This is my point.

I was attempted manipulated. I did see it while it was going on, but I still went along with it, and I am actually feeling more free and happy, than I would have been, had I fought it to the bitter end. Because freedom of the spirit is not about doing the opposite of what you are attempted to be manipulated into doing. (Wow, messy line…) It is not about refusing just because you feel pushed into a corner.

Sometimes the freedom of the spirit is about doing something, your mind had restricted you from doing. I am very, very stubborn! Seriously, I don’t know anyone as difficult to argue with as me. I even fight myself just to let of steam without hurting others. My restriction was to not let anyone use emotional blackmail in order to make me do anything I would not want to do. And if I could not avoid it, I would most certainly fight it on the inside.

In this case, I would have been fairly irritated that I had to bring them home anyway. I actually would have been emotionally affected by this, although it sounds silly. I would have to force myself into continuously fighting it, because this would be the only way of “not loosing”. Like running a race and deciding never to cross the finnish line, because somehow that would prevent me from loosing. In my perception, giving in to this type of manipulation would have been a down fall, a defeat… A dangerous path to follow.

But in order to follow the path of the free spirit I have to go beyond my own restrictions. In this case, I had to surrender to this type of manipulation, fully aware of what was going on. Because that gave me a new awareness of my own restrictions. I didn’t ‘win’ the battle my grandmother had forced me into. I played along, I lost. I feel great!

My restriction was to ‘not let go’ of this, but deep down I had a desire to let go and accept defeat. Disregarding my own restrictions, I realized they were never there. I realized that the moment I stopped fighting both my grandmother and my own fear of defeat, I liberated myself. 

Still don’t know what to do about those cups, though…